What's Your Excuse: What Men Don't Understand About Female Attraction

Dan Bolton


Last week I shared this video on my Facebook page and asked the question: What makes a man attractive to a woman? Some folks wondered what I was getting at by posting this video, so I’ll explain further.


Many men have preconceptions about why they are not attractive to women and use these preconceptions to  stop themselves from even making the simple attempt to talk to a woman. If they do begin a conversation with a woman they will back down from what they really want, which is to ask her out, and stop themselves because these preconceptions are constantly running through their head. Men do this, sometimes looking for direction from the woman, and wonder why they only seem to find themselves in the friend category with the women in their lives. Don’t get me wrong, it is great to have women who are just friends, but for a man this becomes problematic when you have romantic feelings for a woman, but keep them secret because you are afraid of what would happen if she found out. 


The video above is of another therapist I have encountered along the way who is a testament to the fact that any thought we have that is preventing us from taking the next step toward what we really want in our lives is simply an excuse. Sean is proof that many of men’s common preconceptions about why they are not attractive to women (they are not good looking enough, they are not tall enough, they are not built enough, they don’t have enough money, etc.) are simply not true. Sean is an inspiring figure to me, not only when it comes to overcoming insecurities with meeting women, but in facing the challenges of life in general, because he has faced more challenges than the average bear, and has come out strong. His book, “Get Off Your ‘But’: How to End Self-Sabatoge and Stand Up for Yourself” is a great example of this. 


This summer I will be running a series of men’s groups to help men address obstacles they have to being confident around interacting with women, approaching women, and building intimacy with women. Stay tuned for more information!