Stuck with Women

Thu, 12/29/2011 - 00:00 -- Dan Bolton

 

 

People tend to associate anxiety strictly with fear. Fear is only one of the forms anxiety takes, but because of this association anxiety has acquired a stigma for men. Some men believe that having anxiety makes them weak and are reluctant to admit they are experiencing anxiety. They either compensate by denying any sense of vulnerability, leaving trails of women angry that their partners are not in touch with their emotions, or suffer in silence. 

 

Do you find yourself:

 

  1. 1) Spending the whole night out thinking about approaching a woman but end up going home without even talking to her?

  2. 2) Finally working up the guts to talk to her, but freezing when you do and not knowing what to say... or walked away from a situation and then figured out what you should have said. (said, “I should have said ______!”)

  3. 3) Still often thinking about your ex instead of getting out to date and meet new people?

  4. 4) Still being angry and holding a grudge against an ex months after she’s broken up with you... or wanting to “show her” for breaking up with you?

  5. 5) Got that amazing woman in bed, but could not keep an erection? or prematurely ejaculate?

  6. 6) Dating a great woman, but become preoccupied with jealousy?

 

If you are stuck on any of these things then you are experiencing anxiety. Anxiety is a very real phenomenon. As you can see below, a picture is worth a thousand words. This is what is going on in a man’s brain during an experience of anxiety.

 


                anterior cingulate gyrus hyperactivity (yellow arrows) and basal ganglia hyperactivity (orange arrow)

 

This is your brain during approach anxiety

This is your brain on fear

This is your brian on your ex...

This is your brain on anger

This is your brain on control

This is your brain during performance anxiety

 

Modern research using brain scans is showing is that anxiety is not so much about fear, but is really about being STUCK1, and not able to adapt. Men may get stuck in anger to avoid feeling weak,  may hold grudges, be rigid or controlling, get stuck in fear or worry, stuck on a certain thought, stuck in thinking about a past relationship... the list can go on.

 

Adaptability is a major reason humans have been successful as a species (p. 46). We have to be able to adapt to all the changes life throws at us... things not going our way, adapt to the circumstances of the moment, or fluctuations in the conversation, even the mood of the other person.

 

To be able to effectively navigate a complex social interaction, like approaching a woman or maintaining a conversation with a woman you’ve just met, you have to be able to shift gears rapidly to keep up with the ebb and flow of such an interaction. When these parts of the brain are overactive, it is like driving a stick shift car stuck in one gear.

 

When these parts of the brain are healthy we: feel settled, relaxed, open-minded, and flexible, shift your attention from thing to thing, move from idea to idea, and see the options in your life, feel forgiving, have a positive outlook, roll with the ups and downs of life without excessive stress, are open to growth and new experiences in your life.

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It wasn’t long ago that I was chronically without a date or girlfriend on a Friday and Saturday night. If I wasn’t hanging out alone in my room, I was with friends who also did not have the first clue about how to talk to women that showed romantic intent. For a long time I was left feeling like Loser Larry.

I did not realize how much my mind set was getting in my own way! Even when great women were interested in me and showed it, this feeling about myself was so predominant I disqualified myself before the women even had the chance to. I could not for the life of me see the obvious ways I was getting in my own way and sabotaging opportunities that were right in front of my face. I was overcomplicating a very simple process and sabotaging

I used to think that going out of my way to give a woman everything she wants. I gave up my power, would become self-sacrificing, and try to be who I thought she wanted rather than being comfortable and confident with who I was. Once I saw what I was doing it helped me to get on the right track, get dates, and find an amazing woman who I have a vibrant relationship with.

Benefits:
  • What men write that leads to instant rejection
  • Get a sneak peak into the private thoughts and messages of the men writing the messages and the women receiving the messages.
  • Understand what you’re doing that is disqualifying yourself from the women who are actually interested in you.

The first step to knowing what to do is knowing what NOT to do. Take your first step to getting dates and now marrying a great woman

Dude, I know you’re in pain. How long is it going to take before you do something about it? You’re not getting any younger, they not getting any prettier. Get out there before it’s too late.

Sign up now to take to to get your complimentary guide, including messages real women shared with me sent by men that instantly turned them off.  on the surprisingly common blunders men make that get in the way of establishing the connections and relationships they want.
I remember wishing that someone who had already done this would just show me what to write and what NOT to write.

Other benefits include:
  • Messages that lead women to see you as a friend rather than a man that triggers attraction
  • How men attract women who are bad matches for them rather than finding a partner that they feel happy with

Take the first step becoming an Ethical Stud, and put your dating life and relationships in order!