Finding Joy and Freedom Within Yourself When Faced With Hardship: Advice on Recovering from a Breakup
Divorces and breakups put people through some of the most stressful and emotionally challenging situations in their lives. They force us out of thinking about a collective we to looking once again in the mirror at the individual me. That can be a scary experience. This can be particularly true for men due to either social conditioning that has led us to believe that men do not need help or support, because men are not as expressive of their emotions and interpreted to be doing fine, or the way men express their grief leads people to believe they are doing fine rather than a sign they need help. For a number of reasons many men are left to face the pain and grief on their own. Though hopefully this will change with spreading awareness because men also need help and support through these times, but for now this is the situation for most men, and my aim is that my experience can be a guide for men enduring a divorce or breakup on their own.
On the other side of the darkness and loneliness are some amazing experiences. It is also possible to find some of these amazing experiences within those dark and lonely times, if you are open to exploring self-awareness. Self-awareness is not always easy, and many men try to avoid it, partly because of the intense emotion involved. The problem is that without self-awareness the chances of finding a healthy, fulfilling relationship become slimmer. I have written previously that breakups are an opportunity, and I truly believe they are an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. I hope this video helps to shed some light on this.
As you watch, remember a couple of key principles that come with self-development and finding a relationship that is good for you:
(1) Happiness is self-contained; nobody can make you happy. You can have happy experiences with another person, sure, but if your happiness is dependent on another person are you really happy? If you cannot be happy without another person you can bet that in the long run they will not be happy with you. That is a lot of pressure to live with, and ultimately leads to resentment.
(2) If you are not able to be happy on your own it is likely that you are not ready for a relationship. A healthy relationship involves two whole people who supplement each other's lives by bringing their personal joy and value to each other, not two people seeking to fill voids within themsleves by taking value and joy from their partner. If the latter is the case, then I strongly suggest you explore yourself and get out there and find things you love to do, interests, activities, or hobbies that give you a sense of personal fulfillment.
(3) You don't have control over what people do or the choices they decide to make. You do have control over your own actions and choices. Take action in your own life to make the changes you'd like to see in yourself.
(4) Sometimes people turn out not to be who you think they are. Sometimes you learn new things that you never knew about a person you thought you knew after years of knowing them. Sometimes people change. Sometimes people will disappoint us, even those we love and depend on the most. Sometimes the person you thought was your true love decides they want to move on. Life is unpredictable and the only constant is change. But, remember... No matter what, you always have yourself.
"Why do you look so sad and forsaken? Don't you know when one door is closed many more is open." Bob Marley
Les Brown - "You Gotta Be Hungry!" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k0P_Of3Fs0 (for the most pure and joyful Les Brown experience skip to 4:28 in the video)
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