No Panacea to Avoid Rejection



Be warned, there is no panacea to avoiding rejection! Most people spend their lives with the intention of avoiding pain; they play not to lose rather than playing to win. This is especially true if you’ve been hurt, or endured an emotionally draining breakup or divorce. If you are going to get your new relationship life with women to a healthy point you are going to face rejection. There is no avoiding it. One of my mentors in this area says that if you are not getting rejected you are not putting yourself out there enough. You will get the handshake with a “Nice to meet you” and be sent on your way (also read being called ‘Nice’ is an insult Facing social rejection from a woman is one of the most difficult situations, and most prominent social pressures a man experiences. The pain is tangible- remember this picture? ( If you get stuck on the rejection you will remain hung up on the past and not be able to move beyond it. 


Many forces are working against you to feel comfortable with women:  the congruence tests women will put men through to make sure they are the real thing, the social pressures from people who have overgeneralized male assertiveness as a bad thing, judgement from other men who are jealous of your boldness, as well as the biological pressures from your own body telling you to avoid the pain. You have to be able to make the external pressures irrelevant to you, and recondition yourself through repeated practice to traverse the pain. If you are going to be effective you have to be selective about what you focus on. You can't focus on things that aren't going to help you; it will only serve to bring you down.  


At some point when pondering whether to partake in the journey of self-development one comes to a crossroad where, the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. When you try out something new you are going to mess up. Rejection is part of your growth, and in growing there are growing pains. So listen. You are going to fail. It cannot be avoided. It is part of the learning process. So, I say fail gloriously! And remember, when you are not winning... you are learning. Keep that frame of mind and observe how your emotions are different than the way you have been thinking up until now.