If you or the woman you're with starts to behave differently once the relationship has deepened, you can bet that it is due to a change in expectations. This is a dubious endeavor if it is different to how you'd treat a person your dating compared to how you'd treat her if she were your girlfriend or your wife, and even applies to a change in how you behave from the first ever encounter to the first phone call. So, why would the label on your specific relation mean changing the way you act or how you are with another person?

Lately I've been writing extensively about the reasons and ways men change from before entering a relationship to being in the relationship. Whether or not you fall into this trap ultimately boils down to your belief about what it means being in a relationship.

The fact that people change how they act once they get into a relationship is a common phenomenon. Both men and women do this, albeit in different ways. Though men and women may have similar reasons for acting different at the beginning, there are also reasons unique to men which I touched on last week. Another trap men fall into includes BOTH men who acted different in the beginning of a relationship AND men were confident enough to be themselves from the beginning. That trap is Complacency.

Often, once a relationship has been established, or developed into a somewhat long-term relationship women will often complain, "I don't know what happened. He changed." This change people make once in a relationship comes in many forms.

The biggest problem I have observed, which I will focus on in this blog, is that men often believe they have to put up a front when meeting women or dating in order to create a specific impression that will generate attraction. Once in the relationship, men then let their guard down and believe, "Phew, now I can finally relax and be myself." 

There are three problems with this.

1) this implies that these men think that they cannot be attractive without pretending they are someone they are not.

In light of the events of the last week, which I'm sure have captivated most people's attention, an appropriate question I've heard and read many people asking is how does one begin to carry on with life as usual after a week of carnage and terror? I felt I would be remiss if I simply went back to business as usual without mentioning them at all, particularly since I am always talking big about the merits of people using adversity to make themselves stronger.

Earlier this week I put out an idea on Facebook and Twitter that created some buzz. I wrote "Happiness is self-contained." Not only is this idea the cornerstone of work I do with my clients around self-development, it is deeply ingrained into my concept of life.

Discussions on other forums made me realize I needed to add one piece to my post about men being clear with their intentions. Some men are not upfront about their intentions because they are shy, anxious, or preoccupied about being rejected, and play it safe. Some men are not upfront because they think that no woman would want to just have sex, and by not saying anything they can fly under what they think is the "constant surveillance for a relationship" radar of all women. Some men who want a relationship with a woman are afraid to explicitly say so because the woman has said that she only wants something casual, and silently suffer through heartache hoping the woman will come around in time.

They say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. But sometimes it’s hard to move… especially when you're bogged down with negative thoughts and feelings. In a previous blog I recommended everyone "maintain an attitude of gratitude in the face life events that make it next to impossible for most people to still feel grateful and optimistic about their life." This is easier said than done, and during those times it is important that you cover yourself with kindness, meditate on your hopes and desires, and go easy on yourself – at least until you see the first glimmer of strength return.