What is Masculine Expression?



Owning your masculinity likely does not mean what you think I am implying here. It is not the stereotypical "be tough" macho man kind of call to action. For some men this might be their natural masculine expression. When I use the term Masculine Expression I mean feeling comfortable with yourself and not allowing yourself to be swayed by others to change who and how you are and taking a more active role in expressing this to others, whatever it is. It's not about being dominant so much as it is about feeling comfortable with your interests, your personality, your desires as well as holding your own boundaries and being assertive when the situation calls for it.

Men have come to believe it is not ok, and misinterpret that to be respectful means to suppress asserting themselves, their interests, desires, and boundaries. This ends up being a source of anxiety for men, as it goes against what feels natural at a gut level. I have found a lot of men spend time and energy trying to figure out what they should do or how they should be to make their partner, or the woman they are interested in, happy. Men may think they have to afford an extravagant dinner for a first date because they think the woman wants a man who is affluent, tell a woman Yes when they really mean No because they fear that saying No might lead the woman to not like them, or not make a move though they really want to because they are afraid the woman might misjudge that all they want is sex when in fact she might find it attractive that the man makes the first move. Whenever someone is trying to be someone they are not or trying to hide something they feel or want it can lead to anxiety and then behavior that seems awkward to the other person. If you believe who you are and what you want is not normal you are going to feel uncomfortable expressing yourself. This discomfort is what you are going to convey to people, and people will feel uncomfortable in return. If you are comfortable with yourself and view your needs and desires as normal, it will come off as congruent to the other person and be more likely to elicit comfort in them to express their authentic self as well.

Let me give an example of a man I knew who was gruff. He was somewhat ashamed about this, and with new people and especially women, he hid this part of himself. In his direct expression to me I did not feel put off. I actually appreciated he was being so direct with me. As I was thinking about this concept of masculine expression, I realized that this could be a part of his masculine expression he was holding back. I mean, there are popular TV shows, comedy acts, and world philosophies that are built around cynicism and sarcasm. Maybe instead of being ashamed this man should own this as one form of his masculine expression. Maybe this was the natural part of himself that could convey the strength he feels in private, but could not seem to muster when going out of his way to make the impression he thought other people wanted him to make.

As we go along in this series we will work on how to hone down being who you are and expressing what you want. Ultimately this is the best thing you can do. Then, and only then, can the woman make a fully informed decision about whether she wants to keep talking with you, kiss you, sleep with you, date you, be your partner, etc.

My first Live Tele-Seminar is scheduled for this Friday 9/27 at 12 noon ET. You must sign up below to take part in it. Please ask any questions you want answered by email if you are not able to make it live. ALSO: Those who are signed up will be receiving an email from me sometime after the Tele-Seminar with the recording, so if you are not able to make it you can listen in later at your convenience. I look forward to talking to you soon!

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