Dan Bolton's blog

Ep 1: Dan Bolton on Relationships, Divorce, Rejection

This past week my interview on the Ryan Answers podcast went live. Ryan Jakovljevic is a relationship counseller and coach, a dating coach, and also does personal coaching and counselling as well. Ryan helps individuals and couples solve their relationship problems worldwide via Skype and over the phone, and also sees clients in person where he lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. If you're interested in working with him you can learn more here.

Why Do Men Have a Harder Time Being Alone?

Why does it seem men have a harder time being alone than women? For one thing, it might be that women socialize with each other and share more than men do. They share both the good and the bad. This may actually be the very reason that makes the experience of being alone so much more painful for men.

Men do not tend to share their pain, but rather try to share their feats and accomplishments in an an attempt to posture or create the impression of strength amongst other men. No man wants to be on the losing end of a competition.

Bust Out of Victimization and Find the Relationship You Want

For the past 20 years I have been helping men discover their strength, both through sharing my own personal exploration as well as professionally. This can look different for different men. For all men this happens through opening up to vulnerability. For nice guys connecting to their personal power means letting go of their people pleasing ways and being assertive. 

Online Dating Blunders: Mistakes Nice Guys Need to Be Aware of… and Avoid!

We are living in a very heated time when it come to male-female relationships. As a man the messages can seem contradictory and confusing. On the one hand you hear the message that men are entitled and need to respect what a woman wants, yet on the other hand you hear that women are attracted to confident men, and see women go for the jerks who do what seems disrespectful. You may have even been told to “man up” by women who are frustrated because you haven't made a move yet (but, you were trying to be respectful, right?).

How Men Destroy Their Happiness by Comparing Themselves to Others

The other weekend I was out in Newport, RI with my wife celebrating my birthday. It is one of my favorite places to go, near my favorite beach to surf, and it has one of my favorite restaurants, The Red Parrot. They have the best Surf 'n Turf, this amazing lobster filled steak with garlic sauce. I can never resist it.

Anyway, as we were walking back to our bed and breakfast there were some guys sitting on a bench, obviously a little drunk. They started complimenting me that I was with a woman, "Good for you, man." It was clear that the compliment did not come from a place of feeling good about themselves, but was more self-pity. It seemed from their tone of voice they were saying "What's wrong with me that I can't get a woman to go home with me?" 

Happiness for Men

 

All this talk about relationships in my blog sometimes detracts from the overarching goal of self-development: happiness. Being happy in your life, with or without a relationship, is the key indicator for relationship readiness and relationship satisfaction for any man. This same rule applies to any part of your life, whether it be work, family, recreation, or friendships. If you're not happy with yourself, anything outside of you will provide temporary satisfaction at best.

Happiness can be simpler than we make it. At it's most reduced form it is a way of thinking. The pattern that defines your particular way of thinking, you have likely been doing most of your life. This way, pattern, or habit of thought determines whether you feel happy or unhappy. 

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