Why Do Men Act Different Before Getting Into a Relationship?


Often, once a relationship has been established, or developed into a somewhat long-term relationship women will often complain, "I don't know what happened. He changed." This change people make once in a relationship comes in many forms.

The biggest problem I have observed, which I will focus on in this blog, is that men often believe they have to put up a front when meeting women or dating in order to create a specific impression that will generate attraction. Once in the relationship, men then let their guard down and believe, "Phew, now I can finally relax and be myself." 

There are three problems with this.

1) this implies that these men think that they cannot be attractive without pretending they are someone they are not.

2) meeting and interacting with women is a lot of work and thus not fun (and of course it is work if you are constantly in a state of upholding a false impression).

3) your relationship is at grave risk of failing because your partner made the choice to go into the relationship based on who she thought you were rather than who you really are. Once in the relationship your partner has fallen in love with the person you were pretending to be, and she is attached to that person, not you. The likelihood that she will easily transition to loving this new person now is not high.

Why do men do this? Because they secretly harbor this idea that they cannot be loved, that they are not good enough. More detrimentally, this could even possibly point to a certain level of self-hate. Men may feel crippling anxiety to be who they truly are in front of a woman they like because they fear being rejected. Sometimes men put on the front, and act stupid or macho so they can rationalize that the person the woman rejected was not really them, so it hurts less. For many men the act of exposing their heart and soul is like base jumping off a 15 story building. It takes an enormous amount of trust that the parachute will open and you will land safely.

The best recipe for a great relationship is not to change who you are from before you enter the relationship to after. Sure, there is risk involved. And with love and crushes there is no observable safety net, no guarantee she will like or love you back. The best safety net is a strong and hardy sense of self-esteem and self-awareness. not only does this provide a solid base to take the plunge, but it also provides the most certain cushion after long falls.


Photo Courtesy of  OUCHcharley