Because of this tendency to seek positive emotions and avoid negative emotions I think that people have prioritized comfort over happiness. But do you truly feel happy in the comfort of your daily routine? Do you really feel happy going home after an 8-10 hour work day to catch the latest episode of the latest reality TV show? Sure numbing yourself after a long day at work feels comfortable, and we all need to do this sometimes. The problem is that with the heightened demands of life and our jobs to be productive this numbing into a state of comfort can become an everyday occurrence. Yes, comfort is the absence of negative emotions, but it is also the absence of the natural positive highs that can be experienced in life as well.
We have become a society that seeks pleasure and avoids pain at all costs. This is a function of both social conditioning as well as basic neurobiology. Today I want to focus on social conditioning and how it can get in the way of simply being yourself.
"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it franklyand try another. But above all, try something." ~Ben Franklin
The focus in this blog has been on men in the context of the significant relationships in their lives. I also do some couples therapy. A lot of calls I receive are from women seeking couples therapy with the aim of getting help for their male counterpart or men asking for therapy at the behest of their girlfriend, fiánce, or wife. Sometimes men come into therapy blind, not really understanding what portion of the problem they are bringing to the table, but do sometimes genuinely want help despite not understanding. This week I want to elaborate on the differences in how men and women think, stereotypes and stigma that plague men in relationships, and an expanded version of CBT may shed some light on these issues.
As I stated last week, how you define success for yourself is going to directly influence how successful you feel. This feeling comes down to taking the focus off the result itself, and honing in on the actions you are taking toward the result you desire. What goals you set for yourself are essential for maintaining that focus, perseverance, and most importantly, your self-confidence. In doing this it is important to create reasonable criterion for success for whatever you are looking to improve on.